Wise but not Hardened

Elijah,

I had a dream last night.  It's weird that I feel compelled to put it here but I do.  I have wondered as I've woken why the dream wasn't about you.  I will need to ponder on that in a while but I wanted to capture the dream here. 

I dreamt I was doing a photo shoot of a girl I work with, Nicki, and her partner/fiance, Rayce. Background you need to know is that Nicki has led the hardest life of anyone I've met that is from the US.  She was raised by uber orthodox Mormon parents - and by uber orthodox I mean Old Testament types who punish children throughout their lives if they don't live precepts as parents believe.  And parents look more to behaviors than to love.  Anyway, in my dream I was doing a photo shoot of them.  All I saw in them was love and pure joy.  It's as if I saw their souls with the world cast from them.  It was as if I could only see good.  Where hardship had certainly been their lot I saw that the hardships had rolled off of them like water off a duck's back  They were made wise by what they had experienced, but hadn't been hardened by it.  They'd let the actions of the world flow without judgement and embraced their souls of pure joy and peace.  They were total light. 

It was funny cuz I kept getting upset with them because I wanted to capture that joy by getting pictures of them unaware but every time I went to take a picture, in unison they'd look at the camera and smile.... then they'd laugh at my frustrated reaction.  Then you know how dreams change in an instance?  Well, all of a sudden I was taking a picture of Nicki alone.  She was old but unchanged somehow.  She looked older but her skin was perfect and the joy and love radiated from her whole being. She was even brighter than at the photo shoot with Rayce.  She was alone.  Rayce was gone.  She was so old and I felt that Rayce had passed on but she was totally filled with joy and love.  It's as if she had a "knowing" and everything was alright.  As I was preparing to take her portrait I asked her what she was going to do now.  She looked at me with this twinkle in her eye and a mischievous smile and said, "Who knows?  Maybe I'll go on a mission."  Then she was gone and I was in shock.

Why Nicki?  Why not?  If she who has been so mistreated in this world has a soul of joy and light and can learn wisdom in this world without having her soul be hardened by it what can I learn?  How can I perceive my loss of you differently so as not to canker my soul?  Can I?  Oh Elijah, how I would love to feel that joy and peace that Nicki and Rayce radiated.  How I would love to have the difficult experiences in this world roll like water off a duck's back from my heart.  

It was a significant dream.  I will have to ponder on it and how to feel you through it.  I miss you.