I didn't know grief could be so exhausting 5 years later. It is.
I didn't know the pain could still slap me upside the head so hard 5 years later. It does.
I didn't know I could get old without you. I am.
I didn't think I would want to rip out of my skin on every anniversary of your death. I do.
I just don't know how other people are able to start foundations, serve, do good works, put energy into their children's memories. It's exhausting for me, the ache in my gut. I want to have joy, really I do.
I just didn't know how utterly and entirely my heart would surrender.
I didn't know I'd lose my faith.
I didn't know I'd be grateful to let it go.
I didn't know how desparately I'd need your brothers. I do.
I didn't know how lonely grief would be. It is.
Not having you sucks. I knew that would be the case.
Somethings I know but I wish I didn't.
