Imprisioned

Watching General Conference.  Feeling imprisioned by priviledged white male patriarchy.  Wondering what you would think about the recent "revelations" from President Nelson.  Wish so much you could show yourself to me and let me know that all of this matters.  Trying to understand this world.  Did we just happen through probability of evolution?  Do I have a soul?  Will it go on?  Will I ever know or do I just have to exist and have "faith"?  Why does God withhold so much when it hurts so much and people hurt each other through his teachings?  Has he even given us any teachings or are they those of priviledged white patriarchy?  I feel so imprisioned and wish that you could save me from this broken heart and spirit by letting me know.