Acting

Just can't wrap my head around time anymore. I think about you everyday, yet I can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted my thoughts here. I get up very early and go to bed late at night. Lately I've been lucky to get 6 hours of sleep a night so I do alot of sleeping in on the weekends to catch up. I have such heavy sadness in my heart while my brain tells me to play the optimist and come out of it before people tire of me. What does it help to show sadness really? It's not like sadness will bring you back. At least happiness will put others at ease and cause them to feel alright around me. Even at home, I'm sure Dad would prefer a lift instead of Debbie Downer. I can fake it with others and they'll never know so why not? I can be free to cry alone. My heart can be sinking while the lips are smiling. Never been one to lie, but the truth is depressing me. Perhaps the old saying is true, "Fake it until you make it." Perhaps if my face reflects what I want my body will follow suit. Better to follow the feelings of my existing heart than live in the hole. Breathe Deb, just breathe. Step onto the stage and act.