Hit a brick wall

I finally did it.  I finally fell apart and couldn't function Elijah.  I've been going and going and going since you passed.  I had to return to work one week after you died and I've worked every week since. I've added work with Lanore.  I've cleaned house, I've diverted myself with football.  But it all came crashing in yesterday.  I couldn't get out of bed.  I kept resetting my alarm figuring I could just get to work at 8.  Nothing worked.  I sent a text to my boss then went to sleep.  I slept until 11:30 am and got up because I was hungry.  I had a little bowl of cereal then went back to bed and slept until 3:00 pm.  I don't remember being this mentally exhausted in all of my life.  So much that I'm sad about. Sad about losing you; sad about losing your future; sad about losing faith; sad about discovering I know nothing; sad that I have to start learning about life all over again; sad about relationships; sad about the pain your brothers are suffering; sad I can't fix anything; sad that I don't know where to turn; sad that I've gotten so out of shape over the last 5 years; sad that I can't do things I used to be able to do. I've hit a brick wall.  I've got to figure out how to get around this wall, how to climb this wall, or how to destroy this brick wall. I read your quote on Facebook about how great life is and how we need to grasp and appreciate it.  I want to do it, but right now I can't Elijah.  Lots of times I just want to die.  I've even contemplated suicide but I'm too cowardly.  I miss you.  You've left such an enormous hole in my life.  Kinda funny, you left a hole and I've hit a brick wall.  How do those even go together?  The madness that it is.....