Gone

I got up yesterday and gave you a kiss on the forehead before I left for work like I always do. I said, "I love you" like everyday only today you didn't wake up and say it back. I was glad you were getting rest and breathing easy. I get called out of a meeting at work to be told that my husband's been trying to get a hold of me. I call him and he tells me I better come home, Elijah is going down hill quickly. I pull together my things and get rides. The freeway was a parking lot. 8 wrecks. We go State Street. Mike calls and wonders how long we'll be. Elijah has died but you don't tell me. I think things must be bad because it sounded like he'd been crying but I never imagined.... I get home to my three living sons and husband who gather me in their arms and tell me, "He's gone." NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO! that's all that would come. "Where is he? Is he still here?" I run into the house. Gone is the oxygen tubing, the IV stand, the night stands, all of it but the hospital bed now laying flat whereas this morning it was in an upright position so you could breathe. There you lay. Beautiful baby boy. Beautiful son. Beautiful human being. I lay by your side and caressed your perfectly round head. I stroked your cheeks. I held you. I did not want to let you go. I thought it was hard to see you in pain, oh how excruciating the loss. To never see those beautiful round blue eyes say, "I love you mummsie." Anymore. The sun went down. The sun came up and there were no morning kisses. Only sweet I love you Lij to the air.