Five months

Five eternal months tomorrow. In some ways it's like yesterday; other ways it has been so long. So long since I heard you say you love me. So long since you laughed. So long since you played you're newest song for me. So long since you gathered with friends, dressed up for a date, drove your car, asked for Jamba Juice, so long. My heart aches every day for you. Every day I fight back tears. Every day I wonder about whether I care about living. How is it possible that I loved you more than my life? I still have your brothers and am happy for that but the pain of loss is so hard I don't know how any parent actually survives losing more than one. I want you back. I'll never feel whole again. I love you Elijah.