Monday, November 14, 2016

First Love

It's hard to put to words what Elijah meant to me. For one, we were so young when we dated, so to outsiders it could be written off as young ignorance, but I know better.

He was my best friend when we were just 14 and 15 years old, and every time I look back on that time we had together, I smile. Not a day of that was a day I'd take back.

1) The new Death Cab for Cutie album had come out, and I hadn't heard it yet. I ran up the giant hill to his house after school to hang out, and I was greeted with that coy smile he always had. We cooked bacon in the kitchen and listened to "I Will Possess Your Heart." All 8 minutes and 25 seconds of it. Every time I cook or smell bacon, I remember this moment.



2) His house was always filled with music, either played by him, or blasted through the stereo. He played the guitar and was hesitant to sing his music in front of anyone, but occasionally I’d get him to show me what he was working on.
There was one other thing that took up his time, and that was baseball. He grew out of it after sophomore year, but so many of my memories with him were at the baseball field with Mike and Deb.
On the way home from a baseball game one day, we all stopped at Wendy’s to grab some fries. I chomped on a few until I got carsick, as tends to happen anytime I’m in a car for longer than five minutes, so I layed on Elijah’s lap in the back seat with the windows down. The breeze was cool on my face, he was running his fingers through my hair and in that moment, this song came on….
It was one of those moments. The ones where a song connects with you so deeply that you almost cry. I've bottled up that moment in my memory bank and held on to it forever. 
3) One day we were walking home from the 9th grade formal, and we were just friends at that point. On Sandhill Rd., we stopped with a handful of ketchup packets (can't remember where we got them) and sat on a small wall in front of a house. We took turns throwing them in the road to see if cars would run over them. It was such a simple memory, but I'll never forget it. That night we decided talked about dating but it didn't happen until later. 
4) When I moved to Orem from Saratoga Springs, I was a very awkward 14 year old. My braces were unsightly, hair unmanageable, and makeup wasn't even a thought. Kim Lines convinced me to go to the Stake Dance down the street that was a Hawaiian theme. Reluctantly, I went with her. To my surprise, Elijah was there looking very handsome in khaki corduroys and a white t shirt. He told me he was from Hawaii, and I don't think I could speak. He always was the most handsome guy everywhere he went. But he had no idea. He walked me home with Kim and the butterflies didn't go away for days. 
Even after breaking up at the beginning of Sophomore year, we stayed in contact. Every December 7th without fail, I'd text him on the number I had memorized years before, and wish him a Happy Birthday. And on June 14th, he'd wish me the same. I'd visit occasionally with his family, and it was always a joy to be in their house. 
A week before his passing, Deb asked me to help set up a blog. I could feel the anxiety in the air of an entire family working to keep him going. To keep each other going... I wanted to give them a place to write how they were feeling without having to mask it. I only hope that this can continue to be a place of healing... where we can all come to share the love we have for Elijah and, yes, even the pain we feel when we feel far away from him. 
I know this isn't over. We will all see him again.
Leann Allred

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