Why faith?

God,
Do you even hear me?  You teach me to love and have faith.  In all previous deaths of loved ones I believed.  I had hope. I remained faithful.  Why must I just have to hold on to faith?  Why can't I see Elijah and know he lives?  Just once?  Just a minute?  Come on, I'm his mom.  I was sick, and sore, and hurt when I was pregnant but I endured.  I stayed at home with him when he was young.  I took him to practices, to games, got him a guitar to develop his talents.  I welcomed his friends without judgment.  I loved them all, I fed them, I housed them.  I held callings all my life and gave everything to them.  You've taken him from me and that is so hard.  But why do I also have to just go on faith? Why can't I see him - just once?  I know there's so much suffering in the world.  Parents lose their kids everyday.  I know.  This is life.  But it hurts so much and it would take so little to ease my pain. Why won't you?  What have I done so terribly wrong that you have left me alone? You let people like Donald Trump be wealthy and mean and you let him rule on the earth while someone as mild and gentle as Elijah you take.  I know we have to have agency but why must grieving mothers not get comfort?  Why after 58 years of faithfulness can't I just see him for a second?  I don't understand you God.  You told me in my patriarchal blessing that the righteous desires of my heart would be mine. Why is the desire to know not righteous?  Miracles happen to people all over the earth.  In and out of the church people see departed loved ones.  They live to testify of you and life beyond.  People come and give genealogical information.  Why can't a son come and calm his mother's aching heart?
I don't understand but I do hurt.  As a mother I couldn't do that to my child.  Are you even there?